poetry critical

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memories of a coward's backhand
mandolyn
x.
 1
 
 
 
 
as an entity
 2
half-pawned
 3
 
 
this living room
 4
lacking melody
 5
 
 
 
 
no questions  (yay?)
 6
 
 
 
 
the original weirdo
 7
that cheers for me
 8
from where i smash
 9
a green light
 10
 
 
 
 
to delicate red    
 11
and hopscotch
 12
 
 
and
 13
i think i was born on accident      
 14
 
 
i love that
 15
 
 
 
 
  
 16
          
 17
                x.x
 18
 
 
 
 
 
 
he dreamed of being stuck
 19
on the side of the highway    so much
 20
he bought a beetle
 21
 
 
went back to leap frog
 22
sold his doctrine      whoopee
 23
 
 
fishing poles  
 24
a vintage pervert
 25
 
 
trousers of huckleberry
 26
 
 
 
 
my new feelings    they pop out
 27
you'd hate it
 28
 
 
 
 
UGH!
 29
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                  x.x.x
 30
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
i put up with you once
 31
then you got serious
 32
 
 
around twelve minutes
 33
we whistled    extra large
 34
 
 
with dixie and gorilla glue
 35
 
 
 
 
you got high on altitude
 36
i put an x on all your airs
 37
 
 
stubbed a trophy
 38
on the way down    finally
 39
 
 
to be alone      hallelujah!
 40
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                                            x.x.x.x
 41
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
at breakfast    
 42
i was the best problem
 43
 
 
you should have seen me
 44
you were partly there    
 45
with hash browns    extra crispy
 46
 
 
i blew up a shelter
 47
it was in your heart    you built it wrong
 48
 
 
it wanted a change
 49
the grudge wouldn't relocate
 50
your demons wouldn't eat dessert
 51
 
 
 
 
que sera  blah blah
 52
 
 
i took your middle finger to-go
 53

22 Nov 15

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So good! wish I wrote 42-46. Good all around , bud/ ms. bud
 — sixtywatt

They all want their hash browns well done, don't they?  Curious, but accurate...
 — aforbing

these things live here as 'poetry' because they speak for the little people, the oppressed and dull and not able to read an entire novel. mostly, writing like this just says stuff to someone you'd be too chicken to say in person. that's genuine... i mean, if you were in Dachau you'd have to scratch little words like this in the dirt and then rub them out.

so, a victim's poetry... victim of race or sex or class... imagine using this same text but re-populating it so that it was a rant about obama and taxes, written by some rich dude with a golden mont blanc. it'd sound stupid to this readership.
 — cadmium

humm, mando. you must be growing out of your edge, becoming 'thoughtful' instead of 'instinctive'.
 — cadmium

thanks, sixty- i don't believe i have seen you around here before, but then i've been pretty absent.

hey aforbing :)

what up cad

it's just a different style. i try those now and then ;)
though the genre pretty much stays the same- whatever that is

it's also a retort. those are the funnest to write, most fun, funner
 — mandolyn

right, and if you don't do the new 'style' effectively it's ok, cause you're trying. it's a dorky poem, and you're just fishing in it for brilliant.

use bacon, if you're just going for piggy pure.
 — cadmium

oink oink
 — mandolyn

We sell a BACON PIG CHOCOLATE BAR!!! Call now:  888-636-8162
Or shop for yourself online:  zingermans.com
 — aforbing

so good & entertaining. I love.
 — unknown

she couldn't go for piggy pure,
her heart had too much kosher --
so, when she'd shop,
she'd pause, she'd stop,
and had to ask her grocer --

what's inside of a piggy ride,
is it up or down --
hamlet or clown??

what consists of a piggy kiss?
is it sloppy, smooth or fun --
oh, who can show me,
teach how, to have a piggy hon?
 — cadmium

dropped an 'me' after teach in the last line... typical, rushing to get to the funny ending.
 — cadmium

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this is so fucking raw i love this wish i could give this ish a 1,000,000 gotDIZZAm das some pure fuggin POETRY
 — penandpaper

better poem in 2nd read. pretty stern stuff, but awesomely written. thanks.
 — sixtywatt

There once was a man from Ibiza
And as much as the holiday's seize ya,
When Easter come round,
And a prize pig on the grounds,
You know who's dialing for pizza.
 — sixtywatt

yay for mandolyn!   what a wonderful fusion of sacred rhetoric with dicey taboo interjections and trite responses.
 — Seditswing

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