poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Happy New Year, Brother Bill

We were a magic circle of candles,
you were the light flickering,
I was the floor
and we prayed with foreheads touching,
a position I have never again attained,
too stiff with rules, with longings
that bled rust tears to ruin me.
When I run, I falter.
I hear joints creaking,
screaming, "Stop!  You are
no longer young!"
If we had known what was to come,
we should have burst into flames,
been carried away on the wind
that blew sweet across the sleeping garden
that we carefully explored, little scientists
looking for signs of life.
Autumn fire makes my eyes water,
makes me want to light candles,
lay with my head on the floor
and conjur what was once us.
Instead, I buy a new notebook and pen,
make resolutions that burn holes
in the page, into my life,
where you taught me to dream and run.

31 Dec 14

Rated 10 (10) by 5 users.
Active (5): 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0): 10, 10

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this is terrific, isabelle
 — mandolyn

Oh my god. Twice in one night I am utterly floored by the most magnificent poetry.

Everyone is always talking about EE cummings this, or allen ginsberg that.... Sure, I love all that old poetry... It paved the road way back when and has inspired so many people, including me...

but new, constantly evolving and underground poetry is where it really is for me.

This is better than anything I have ever read- including the poem I just said the same thing about.  Poetry just gets better and better... at least to me. And I fucking love it.

No, I'm not drunk. or high. Sober/on probation a ward of the state. I just really like this. Thanks for sharing.
 — dvdsxr

Absolutely fantastic, deeply imaginative powerful and thought provoking

Larryfrom beyond Lark
 — larrylark

nice poem.
 — JKWeb

I am so pleased that this poem was well accepted.  My older brother Bill has been my best friend all my life and still is.  I thought we were twins until I was 8 and figured out what twins were!  
 — Isabelle5

I like the magick invoked in this animated potrait .. I can see the energy between the two of you, well balanced and emotional.

Lines 12 to 17 are particularly good. There's the grandiose sensation of life as well as the detail of innocence as children.

Wonderful. Love it.
 — jenn

Rust tears. Where do you find these.?
 — cassell

Rust tears - happening in all my joints, that's where you find them!
 — Isabelle5

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