poetry critical

online poetry workshop

laura nesbit: maybe you'll google your name and see this someday

first noticed you
at the grocery store cafe
no makeup
chunky boots
black leggings
with runs
unopened spiral notebook
in front of you
on the booth.
at the time
i had no idea
what flannery o'connor
looked like
but she
came to mind.
i've never seen you open the notebook
you don't sit still long enough for that
back and forth
from the booth
to the parking-lot bench
to smoke
always looking
straight down at the floor
then off
into a dented red car
with yellow bungie
holding the front bumper on.
sometimes you're with some
long-haired nomenclature
it doesn't look like love
maybe roommates
or an outdated
bone-marrow lust.
then i saw your face
and name
while checking the jail listings
for escapees from the halfway house
where i work
you were in for
a busted tail-light
and arguing with the cops
at three a.m.
googled your name
found a single
forgettable poem
on some on-line magazine
called soap
or bubbles
-the odds of one hack poet
finding another hack poet
in des moines iowa
through this manner
are hopefully not lost
on you-
started putting my copy
of carver's collected poems
at the edge of my booth
spine towards you
but you kept looking at the floor
or you saw it
and are as introverted as me
or i really do
look as much like an unapproachable cop
as they say
i saw you out in the grocery store parking lot
a couple minutes ago
bend down furtively
and pick up that cigarette butt
lit it
smoked it
with style
and a few ounces of shame.
it shouldn't
absolutely shouldn't
but it really
turned me on.

13 Oct 13

Rated 9.7 (9.8) by 12 users.
Active (12): 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (6): 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(9 users consider this poem a favorite)

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I almost want to fave this. Good shit.
 — yield

How do you know her name?
 — unknown

haha! this is great. i love the hack poet line. stalk nicely. :)
 — mandolyn

this is amazing writing...
 — brother_sun

its what they say wow them in the end and youve got yourself a movie..you can have flaws but wow them in the end and youve got yourself a hit..this does just that..really nice..
 — brother_sun

clunky boots sounds awkward.

flannery o'connor, two seconds to type in her name to find out.

she escaped from your halfway house, or you checked from it?

I like it.
 — unknown

i wonder what the definition is of a "hack poet"...lol
 — brother_sun

"bone-marrow lust." -- the marrying of romanticism and an ironic wit is in it! well=done!
 — AlchemiA

^ i also love the 'bone marrow lust' line.
 — mandolyn

Thisn is a WOW poem. Coolly  full of desperation
 — larrylark

Fuckin' aMAZING!  :-)
 — starr

66-78 have that "urban" appeal that is so prevalent these days.  I see similar scenarios in my day 2 day travels, so I can really, really relate 2 these particular lines!  GOOD job putting 'em 2 words!  :-)
 — starr

her poems are in shampoo issue 34- and they are great.
 — mandolyn

I would move that last line up. Bravo, poet!
 — unknown

Brilliant the title is so funny
 — thechosenone

"bone-marrow lust"--what a great phrase. Ls 65-78, great ending. (I hope you offered her a new cigarette.)
So...was the grocery store the HyVee on Fluer Drive? or the Dahls on Ingersoll, just east of the Greenwood Lounge? (my old stomping ground) Just wondering. :)
 — clupeidae

 — percocet

Lines 32 and 33 - stunning..as is the whole piece
 — wdgreen340

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 — rayjian

This is pretty damn great.
 — unknown

Reads like a short film. Nice piece.
 — trochee

I think i saw this on craigs list in the women seeking women section of san fran
 — percocet

This is one of the greatest poems I've ever read online. You have to IMMEDIATELY SUBMIT THIS FOR PUBLICATION PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GODdddddddddd the world must read your work!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 — penandpaper

this poem makes me want to go to Walmart and buy a foot long for a guy in sretch pants.  
 — percocet

^ Mike Bauer wearing his mothers dress
 — unknown

His mothers dress, Mike Bauer wears.
 — unknown

^ fuck off, Bauer, you cunt
 — unknown

I'll call him Laura, for the guy that calls me Mike.
 — percocet

Bauer. You're not anywhere close to being as smart and inventive as you think you are.

You can't get away from being the cunt you are, and that shows through everything you write and do.

Go and post some more adverts on peoples poems to get the attention you so obviously desperately need.
 — unknown

U can't use Bauer in first person.
 — percocet

new poem
 — percocet

sort of interesting, well written: why not think it's pretty good for a poem...?
 — cadmium

bauer comes out of his mothers closet to shit all over PC again.
 — unknown

my favorite critic is gordon ramsey -- this one is well crafted and with interesting flavors and it doesn't fall apart after first reading. i like it, too, because it's not a poem i could write.
 — cadmium

love this.
 — rolapoin