poetry critical

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I'm fixing my ex-girlfriend's transmission,
listening to the new Sasquatch CD
high on amphetamines and perpetual solitude.
When I'm finished I wash and vacuum the car,
set the points, change the oil and spark plugs,
put in a new battery -
and wonder why I do it.
I'm playing fetch with my dog Conan
and cooling off with a running hose
when Treena and her new boyfriend  
pull into the driveway.
She met Emmett a few weeks ago
at a dot-com seminar downtown,
fell in love and left me the next day.
He and I couldn't be more different.
We're like rotten apples and fresh oranges.
He's into wellness, Wimbledon and wheat grass.
I'm into drugs, defiance and doom metal.
She probably made the right choice.
"All fixed," I say.
Emmett shakes my hand enthusiastically.
"You're amazing. Wow. Just wow bro," he says.
I hand Treena the keys. She gives me a half-hug
and an air kiss. "Thank you soooo much," she says.
"You saved me, you always do don't you."
"Anytime," I say.
"For sure man. And if you ever need free web hosting
and/or consulting, shoot me a text," Emmett says.
I return to my lair, sit on a stack of tires
and wonder why I do it.
My wings have been clipped, my hoard's been stolen -
but I can still baptize with fire.

4 Oct 13

Rated 9.7 (9.4) by 9 users.
Active (9): 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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why do we do it?

but you can still breathe fire and that is what matters most. :)
 — mandolyn

oooh, baptize with fire. i like that MUCH better.
 — Ah_Poop

^ ah poop
 — mandolyn

mandolyn, you somehow gave me the idea for the change
in your comment.
 — 9

glad i could assist! i love when stuff like that happens.
 — mandolyn

Isn't that what Jesus does?
Love your refrigerator poem by the way.
 — 9

lol, yes, He does! :)

thanks, it's just one of those "i have to spit this out" type poems.
 — mandolyn

I get to L7 and I too, find myself wondering why you do it. Then I get to L12 and ask, “Why the hell can’t Emmett work on the car?” Then I get to Ls 21&22, then 27&28 and think, “Wow! What douche bag this guy is!” (Even while I’m unenthusiastically agreeing with you back on L19. ) L30, I’m still wondering, are you just a nice person, like Mr. Rogers? Or is it the speed? Or are you Mr. Rogers on speed? Then I reach the final line and get the answer. Your words continue to astound me.
 — clupeidae

You're a good man. I would have punched Emmett the second he said you're amazing. Plus he sounds like a prick. But that's me. I'm a bastard. I like this thing you have going with your words.
 — unknown

Unknown, thank you for your time and confidence. (I'm a bastard too)

clupeidae, I'm glad when you visit and comment.
I appreciate you reading my little pieces with intelligence
and heart and then responding like you've really 'read' them.
That means a lot.
Plus you seem like someone I'd like to know in real life.
 — 9

This is a stunningly good utterly copelling poem. Brilliantly conceived
 — larrylark

Larry you're too kind Lark
 — 9

For the reader this is a slightly extreme example of "i know exactly how you're feeling" in this given moment.

I've never fixed anyones car, but I have run around helping out an ex, all the time feeling inside "What the hell are you doing? You'd feel much better if you'd just said no to her and got on with your life. Why are you putting yourself through this crap? Is it because you think you still love her, or perhaps if you're nice to her she might come back to you? Even though it's blatantly obvious she never will."

We allow ourselves to suffer like this as a kind of penance, I think, sometimes, to perhaps redress the balance of us being complete idiots for losing someone who we loved, or claimed to love, so much.

Your writing is, once again, so clear and fluid there is no stopping until the end .. as it's the whole thing that matters.

A great write, and one of my favourite reads of yours.
 — jenn

i'm going to write you a poem when my allotted time allows. :)
 — mandolyn

Jenn, you have pinned it down and expressed it well.
I think you're right about desiring penance,
and I also think we sometimes settle for being needed,
if being loved is out of reach.
Thank you for reading :)

mandolyn, I will watch for it :)
 — 9

'Settle for being needed'. I think you're right there, 9 .. but, it is an individual thing, after all. I think I'm too self reliant and perhaps a little arrogant to ever admit to myself that I 'need' anyone :) ... even if that someone is the person who I most desperately want and need on this planet.

I blame my mother, the nasty old witch, for instilling in me a fiercely independent streak, as I never wanted to ever turn to her to ever ask her for anything ever in my life, so that naturally extends out to the rest of the world.

But, there was someone, who I met when I was 14 and was in a relationship with for about 15 years who I still need every moment of my life but can't have any more, and I think I'd do anything she asked me, even now.

So yeh, I get you.
 — jenn

Are you still with her?
Let me know if I'm being too nosy
 — 9

No, you're far from being nosy .. I don't share with those that don't care :)

I'm not with her any more, though we keep some contact more or less at arms length. We were the best and worst thing for one another, and fortunately both of us saw that paradox before we completely ruined everything.

It was beautiful chaos, and youth was on our side.

I wish we'd been strong enough to survive it, but to be honest we're better off apart :)
 — jenn

My poem 'Cambridge Girls' is mostly about her, and me I guess, when we studied at Cambridge Uni.

Most of my poetry is about her, really :)
 — jenn

I'll go get the butane.  Be right back.  ;-)
 — starr

I'll get the matches .. be right back ;)
 — jenn

Shall we three purify something? ;-)
 — 9

Have a look at the cover of Big Black's album ''Atomizer', 9.

Little link ..  http://bit.ly/19vyCRe&n bsp; ;.. you get the picture ;-)
 — jenn

I hate it when links don't work!

Let me try one last time.

 — jenn


Do an image search for Big Black Atomizer, and you'll see what I mean :)
 — jenn

<3 jenn
 — 9

He writes about slaying a Dragon......
Fucking amazing too.
 — unknown

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

great poem. interesting format. but why the adlinks?

i know the feeling all too well, that this piece invokes. i like it.
 — mould_jesus

 — osparrow

I hope the stack of tyres that you are sitting on were taken off her car. Thanks for the good read.
 — AdamMan

I really like this one. It takes strength to suffer.
 — fubipu

I hope it does. And is for the greater good.
 — 9

 — unknown

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

this is exquisite
 — anastasiya

Have you ever made a poor decision and it caused a man to die?
 — percocet

"Like wow." lvl 33.
 — percocet

what is your purpose?  What is your future?
 — percocet

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

The last stanza adds the fire, and leaves a strong message.  Much enjoyed.
 — Wordsalad

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

 — unknown

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

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