poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Sacred Journey (1953)

On the mantle shelf, one polished spindle,
a  bobbin for cotton without thread.
“Reminds of how we wuz worked ta death.”
Photo of youngest son
hung in cadet’s uniform,
a pretend soldier,
gauche, daft, one eyed till the end.
A storm in a tea cup
for reading of leaves.
Sunday’s séances
that might titivate non believers
and frighten God fearing folk.
“Is there anyone there?”
“Yes! I’m on the other side
and all is fine with me
I even laugh and joke.”
It was easy as crossing the street
with a jug for beer.
Cracked glass for pouring pale ale.
Soft gas light
threw shadows,
embellishing each tale.

12 Sep 13

Rated 10 (9.5) by 7 users.
Active (7):
Inactive (3): 1, 6, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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I enjoyed reading this Larry nostalgia Lark.
Makes me think of a scene in The Wall.
 — 9

I like it.
 — unknown

Preston was known as the town of walls during its hey...if that is the correct word...day as a cotton town
 — larrylark

Glad you liked it unknown
 — larrylark

Excellent and don't forget Preston North End another bobbin memorie
 — lucion

Great start to the season at Deepdale but will it last? Its been a dreadful 3 years
between Irvine and Grayson. Can we hope...I will...one game at a time

Larry till i die Lark
 — larrylark

reminds me of last nights episode of 'hell on wheels' -though the setting for that is the 1800s.
love L3, did you mean to put 'us' or 'me' after Remind?
 — mandolyn

or 'Reminded' ?
 — mandolyn

I'd be nothing without your spots M. I write as she spoke in L3 but forgot the s on the end of remind. She (my Grandmother) was a women of considerable talents which were ground to dust through engaging in a foolish relationship which tore her family apart.
 — larrylark

^ :( well, this is a very endearing piece. nice job.
 — mandolyn

I'll take endearing. Thanks for taking the time and trouble mandolyn ;-)
 — larrylark

an actual poem. thank you.
 — unknown

well actually unknown this is a poetry site so there is a lot of give
 — larrylark

Beautiful beautiful beautiful.

The jaggedness of the lines compliments the sharp wit and teeth this bites with.

I'm a little mixed feelings about the first stanza, and could say the poem really starts for me at line 8, which it really does,  so that says to me the first stanza needs some little work, perhaps?

The first three lines could be broken up like the rest of the poem?

.. and how about line 17 sounding more like - It was easy, crossing the street - so as to mirror, mimic and reflect back line 7 to offer a poetic (the pause on the edge of breaking into another reality), grammatical, syntactical balance?

Your choice, poet, leave it, change it, I still love it as a poem. :)
 — jenn

Well .. slap me and call me Larry Lark ... I would never have thought this as one of yours Larry, but I have noticed your writing style has in the past year or so has developed this very accomplished poetic style. Very good it is too :)
 — jenn

Thanks for the time and trouble you take Jenn , as always.

Larry slip slap Lark
 — larrylark

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That it means anything is beyond me.
 — unknown

enter the beyond and wonder
 — larrylark

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