poetry critical

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Winter Becomes Her
Isabelle5

Her blood is red ice,
 1
her hair dark as leafless trees,
 2
breath frosty with cinnamon scent
 3
and peppermint fingertips.
 4
 
 
A voice like Ravens - throaty
 5
and coarse, until you are invited
 6
to come close - then it is the purr and whirr
 7
of duck wings in fast flight,
 8
of spinning heads and clicking wheels,
 9
cogs in a furious machine.
 10
 
 
Do not touch, only watch
 11
from distances too far to breach,
 12
as she is thin ice, red lips,
 13
sin-a-men and pepper tips.
 14

2 Dec 10

Rated 8.2 (8.7) by 8 users.
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Inactive (3): 1, 2, 8, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

I like very alluring and dark just like the weather outside
 — unknown

Absolutely love this. Just the right balance between the first and last 4 line stanzas and the slightly Grimm Brothers surreal interior middle dialog.

Some delicious, sensual images running through this which are subjected to this very thoughtful over/under-lay repetition. Very very good read.
 — jharrison

Oh, Isabelle! I am thrilled this is one of yours! There's a dark romanticism in this I would never have suspected of you, though why I shouldn't is more about my lack of expectation than any limitation on your side :)

This has a definite dark nights winter tale feel to it :)
 — jharrison

sin a men.  Well done, again.
 — akiikii

I feel the cold of this, the darkness, driven with fantastic imagry and word play to its inevitable, beautiful end.
 — PaulS

Great imagery and cold feelings. excellent feel of witchery. Look but don't touch
 — JohnW

good
 — unknown

Isabelle--nice spicy write!  The second stanza is particularly outstanding.  
 — sybarite

i might cut purr, not needed, and write sin-a-men as just sin of men, less cute, and still comprehensible.

well-titled and beautifully executed. nice balance of your voluptuous voice and diction with some edges this time. (nicmichaels)
 — unknown

Love this!!!:)
 — Bookworm

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